High on the bestseller lists this week is a book called The Rules a guide to dating and courting for women that effectively advocates women, in order to snag a man, follow a sexist and manipulative dating game based on the principles of 50 years ago. (Except that back then, the guys knew the women were playing this game and accounted for it.)
What follows in the same vein is a counterpart, The Rules for Guys.
First, if you're not familiar with the book The Rules here is a summary of "The Rules" in the book, which you need to know to understand the satire. Or do an Alta Vista Query to search for web pages discussing this book.
by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
First, you have to check if she's a The Rules girl or just a stuck-up bitch. Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate them. Test this by first telling her how much you admire a girl who sticks to her principles, and then call her Thursday telling her you just got front-row Orchestra seats to the Boston Pops (a classical musical group) concert on Friday. If she says yes, she's the stuck-up bitch. Say, "Did I say Boston Pops? I meant Iggy Pop!" and dump her.
If she says a reluctant no, she's a The Rules girl. The book tells them never to accept a weekend date after Wednesday. Rush out to the bookstore to get a copy of The Rules. You'll find it in the dating/relationships section. Since there is zero chance you've ever gone near that section before, ask at the cashier's desk. When you get to it you'll know why you've never been to this section before from the titles of the books. Venus and Mars Together Forever. Men who hate women and the women who love them too much. Like Dave Barry says I am not making this up. You're the only guy in weeks to go to this section other than to laugh at the titles, so if you're lucky some chick might even hit on you. But if not, go buy the book, and then read it. It's short.
Now you'll know her exact game. Problem is, as noted, it will be 6 weeks until you get laid. Be sure you have something else on the side during those six weeks. But look at the advantages. Other than those noted above, you'll learn that she won't bring up crap like "marriage" or "kids" or "the relationship." She expects you to bring these things up. Soon the book will tell her to dump you. Track this, and make sure to start dating another The Rules girl before the breakup -- 6 weeks before the breakup if you can time it right.
(A satire by Brad Templeton, who in reality thinks both sets of rules are silly, even though they've been known to work, and that Men are from Earth and Women are from Earth too. It's quick-fix relationship books that are from other planets.)